Best of the Worst 2014

Come one, come all, to this humble blog's annual holiday tradition: the worst emails of the year 2014! Let's all gather around and wallow in the Interweb's swill of stupidity! Despite seeing the examples of dumb questions from 2008, 2009, 2010 (in Parts I, II, and III), 2011, 2012, and 2013, people simply do not learn.

As usual, these are all real emails that TK really received from real people for the past year. Below, among all the shitty emails that TK has received, he has selected the douche de la douche, the crap de la crap. Other than redacting personal information, not a single thing about the email is changed or modified in any way. TK's comments and thoughts on the emails are highlighted in blue.

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In Soviet Korea, All Foreigners are Subject to DNA Testing for Racial Identification

re:  I have a question

Hi The Korean! My name is Emily and I am an ethnically Japanese, Chinese, Hawaiian, Polish, Spanish American that looks really Asian. I also speak fluent English and Japanese. I am proficient in Korean and French. So, if I ever lived in Korea, how would I be treated?

Like a person. Moron.

re:  Korean Men and Chinese Women

Hey Korean Person,

I have a question. I am a Chinese woman in my late “tens” (18) and I have never been attracted to Korean guys until recently. Truth is, I actually had a Korean boyfriend before and the experience led me to believe Korean guys frankly, look down on Chinese girls. I read your blog post about what Koreans think of Chinese and as thorough as your post was, I don’t think it answers my questions. It was more of a historical and general viewpoint.

So my question is, what do Korean men think of Chinese women? I know Korean men are men before they are Korean but I am sure most Korean men would never date anyone of African heritage, even if the Kenyan woman happens to have 32D breasts with an amazing smelling vagina. So, Korean men like almost all race have a certain racial preference.

I can pass for either Chinese or Korean in the Winter and Filipino or half Spanish in the Summer so most people can’t really guess my race. I am just afraid that Korean guys might be turned off when they find out I am Chinese. From my experience, I have no problems with Korean Americans but I am talking about Korean Korean men. Koreans born in Korea who had spent the first half of their life in Korea.

Thanks a lot! :)

After many years of bad emails, TK developed a perverse appreciation for bad emails. This type is one of his favorites: an email that starts ok enough, then slowly degenerates into full crazy over several paragraphs.

re:  hellow

hi how ru, my name is amira and i have loads of question cuz im

moveing to korea in maybe 2to3 months got my visa already and i want

to know about life in korea would i make friends, would people be nice

to me, would i get a job and most importantly would i get harrased for

being black i really need information but its hard to get some and

also i had been watching kbs for 10 years such a big fan not just

dramas but everything was interesting i knw one friend in tv lol so i

got another question how would i get my oppa just so i can know the

feeling i would be happy if i can marry a korean too but i dont want

to go that far yet. please help me providing some infos i would

appriciate that thanks

"Here is my imaginary oppa. I love him but I don't want to marry him yet. Too much pressure."

More ridiculousness after the jump.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com. But no stupid questions please. For God's sake, will you please think of the children?

You Are Not Going to Become a K-Pop Star, Stop Fucking Asking

re:  Question

Hi, i have a question would it be weird if i sent you a picture and me singing to see if i have good potential or a good chance at making it in a audition

[NAME REDACTED]

Yes, it would be pretty fucking weird to send you singing to an Internet stranger.

re:  A kpop trainee question

Hi..my name is [NAME REDACTED] and my friend,[NAME REDACTED],and were from the north-east of India and we were wondering if korean entertainment companies would accept us..cuz even though were from India we are actually considered tribals as our forefathers migrated from China so were practically Asians..please answer..thanks

"YG Entertainment proudly presents its newest girl duo, Practically Asians."

re:  HELP ME !!

My name is Dua it means grace in English. I'm 19 years old girl I'm an Arab fan I live in Saudi Arabia . I love korean music and drama it's quite interesting . Can u help me to be an actress . I really can do my best I'll also learn the Korean language .

It's a really new idea to have an

Foreign actress . I know you think me crazy but just think about it . I have think of amazing scenario . 

If u want I won't say im arab I will say I came from Spain or Italy . As u see I can speak English very well I learned it by watching tv an songs . I'm smart girl . Just pls give me the opportunity .

P.s I'm beautiful

Yes you are. 

re:  Koreans and brown people

Hiiii :D I hope u don't mind me asking u a few questions about kpop and brown people. I rly need to get some things straight. Thanks in advance for your answers.

Okay here goes:

What percent chance do u think of a brown skinned person getting into a Korean ent. Company?

If we(brown skinned ppl) pass the audition, do u think we will debut?

Also do u think Koreans will accept us if we debut in a group with Koreans?

Which Korean company is more likely to accept us?

Also, thinking further ahead, if they pay for our flight to seol will they send someone for us at the airport?

re:  Follow up

Can u Pls answer as soon as possible. I'm thinking of auditioning soon. I really want to at least try.

The two emails are from the same person, sent within hours. The "follow up" email just slayed me. You mean you're not going to audition unless someone is waiting for you at the airport in Seoul?

re:  hey there, I just wanted to ask you something. I'm 16 years old and I'm asian. I've been planning to audition to YGE through email and I was just wandering that if you had send your audition clips and files and told you that you passed, will they be the one spending for your flight to korea. Sorry if it's inconvenient. Thanks.

(This email had no text in the body.)

Another favorite: stupid question entirely contained within the title.

You Keep Saying That Word, But It Does Not Mean What You Think It Means

re:  Korean Video Game Question

Hello,

I'm playing a game that takes place in the three kingdoms period of Korea called Nexus Kingdom of the Winds. In the game, to make things feel more authentic, some unique items and weapons are in a transliteration of Korean. While normally a transliteration tool, and Google translate works, I cannot for the life of me translate the name of one weapon without it sounding nonsensical.

The Weapon is a Bow, as in Bow and Arrows, that is named "Sa Nyang Kkun".

The translations I've found make

Sa = Four

Nyang = Meow

Kkun = Sportsmen or Drinker

Unlike all the other weapons I've translated so far using this method, this one makes no sense. I'm not sure if it's me mistranslating, if it's a problem with the transliteration, or if the original translator, who almost certainly only spoke English, merely mistranslated it.

Any help you can give me in settling this translation once and for all would be helpful.

- Steven H.

To be fair, this is a perfectly good question--but the content of it was just too funny. It's as if thinking "assumption" means "donkey referee avoidance" because the word is made up of "ass," "ump" and "tion (=shun)."

re:  Traduction

Hello,

Can you give me the right Answers for this traduction :

미 차 어 리 ㅅ MI CHA E LIS ???

닉올아우ᄉ Nik ol a u s ???

Club-Name :

고려 KO RYO ???

산ᄀᄃ - 위 ㅌ ㅎ SAN K T - VI T H ???

Thank you

Amazing thing is, this "traduction" is kind of halfway there.

The Straight Up Racists

re:  A question about ajummas

I live in Korea as an English teacher. I understand some levels of Korean culture, but obviously my understanding is far from 100%. I have a Korean-American friend and she is offended when she hears comments from foreigners about ajummas. This past weekend at a dinner party, many Americans were there and at some point the topic of an ajumma came up. My gyopo friend was offended at the conversation. I'm curious as to why. 'I think you guys have too much fun with that word.' Why is talking about this age group of women offensive? We were only laughing about our shared experiences regarding that demographic. It was not hateful.

I'm curious on your take.

Thanks,

Ajumma Is On My Mind

To channel Andrew Ti of Yo, Is This Racist?:  maybe the gyopo friend was offended because "laughing about [your] shared experiences regarding that demographic" is racist.

re:  Why do Koreans tend to think they are like the Mongolians and the Northern Chinese?

I am an ethnic Korean who was adopted by American parents. However, I consider Mongolians and Chinese as defilement and scum. Koreans are to proud and pure to be but made lower to them. I hate Chinese, they steal, they are cheap, snakes and communist, also very rude and vulgar. Mongolians are barbaric and undeveloped.

We are more closer to the Japanese because of our language and genetics. Clearly proven.

Here is a picture for you.

re:  A Question

Dear Korean,

I have heard that Koreans eat dog shit as well to

cure common colds and cancer.

Is that true ?

From,

a Chinaman that likes to rape Korean virgins

Sure, you little cunt who had to use a remailer to send this email.

And Your Question Is...?

re:  Hello

Hello Mr Korean,

My Introduction: I am an Indian living in Bangalore city. I work as a business analyst in the IT industry. I dabble in dance, painting, gardening etc as hobbies.

I came across you blog today and read about how funerals are conducted in Korea. I watched a program about a family which makes hemp clothes and got curious.

I got exposed to Korean culture through television. I watch KBS with subtitles :-) I feel there a similarities in our cultures and was able to related to many things portrayed in the TV programs.

I wanted to write more but it's way past my bedtime and my mind is blank. Will email again...

Regards,

[NAME REDACTED]

He never emailed again. You break my heart, Name Redacted. You break my heart.

re:  (no subject)

So u mean a black person like me are not wanted in your industry because of racism.l thought that was over.its not fair as we blacks also promote,we watch your movies a lot.okay what about black tourist.

The email opened with anger, went to depression, then to bargaining. It's like seeing "five stages of a stupid email" in one short paragraph.

re:  Hi! I'm from Korea. I saw your post ' What do Koreans Think About Turkey?'

Hello. Really nice to meet you.

I`m from korea . And i`m 17years old girl now. (2 Grade of High school).

Today i searched on google

"korea turkey"

And i could see your post.

I really loving turkey. And turkish people

Although i haven`t been there before.

I heard turkish people love koreans and think as "brother who share blood"

Sorry my english skills not good.

But i`m trying now.

Well...

Let`s talk about "2002worldcup"

At that time. I was just a 5years old hahaha right? ;)

I could see korean people`s post..

About 2002 world cup

Turkey vs korea

Actually

Korean people don`t know well about turkey.

Even where turkey are.

(Well.. it is now too)

But..

On 2002

Korean people noticed about turkey.

Long time a go.

Turkey born east asian. Right?

Like.. mongolia.

Turkey born. Huns

Sorry i`m in gym now

Well

Talk to you later

그냥 한국말로 해... (Just write in Korean...)

Sorry, You Got the Wrong Number

re:  LG Australia

The Korean

I have purchased many LG products and found them to be of good quality, but I am extremely disappointed with LG Australia.

I have just purchased a new mobile phone and require a manual to learn how to operate the phone but LG Australia’s Web Site does not operate

correctly and they do not answer the phone. I have inserted the model number on their computer site but it does not recognise the model number

which is a LG OPTIMUS F3 LG – P655k. Can Korean LG correct this problem as it would be a shame to lose sales because of the lack of support from the Australian company.

Regards

Why does it not surprise TK that you need a manual to operate a phone?

re:  yhteistyö ehdotus

Hello,

My name is Andres Sullivan, and I'm writing you from Promtmedia.com, a digital marketing agency located in Estonia. Among my clients, I represent a Finnish company. I'm looking for strong Finnish sites like Askakorean to cooperate with my client's site.

I would like to know if you'd be open to advertising cooperation.

Best regards,

Andres Sullivan

Promtmedia

"Strong Finnish sites like Askakorean." How can a person Finnish writing that sentence without realizing something's wrong there?

re:  Accommodation

Hi,

I am a student from Brunei. My 3 friends and I are looking for the best place to stay for a whole semester (fall 2014) which can accommodate the 4 of us. The most important thing is that (1) the accommodation rate should cost at maximum 1,400,000 per month for the 4 of us. (2) Separate rooms for different genders (2 males and 2 females). (3) a kitchen.

We will be studying at Dongguk University, Seoul for 1 semseter (fall 2014)

Many Thanks,

[NAME REDACTED]

For 1,400,000 per month, here is what TK can offer: (1) for males, a couch; (2) for females, a bathtub. Both are located in Washington D.C. How does that sound?

re:  Regarding IAG and JYJ

Hello Askthekorean:

I've been a kpop fan for a few years, and JYJ is one of my favorite boy group. I think part of it was reading about them and how they got to where they are now starting with SM entertainment to ending wirh Cjes entertainment. Overcoming the mess with SME settling just recently, JYJ should be able to go on variety shows but they have not been invited back. That's fine since it's still early enough.

Now the issue with IAG. They were ask to be ambassador for IAG since last year and been promoting for a whole year. Suddenly they aren't good enough to be cast in the lineup for opening or closing act? Or invited to the media interview announcing lineup? AND instead Exo from SM is cast to sing? A lot of people know it's pressure from outside IAG--- aka SME. We all know corruption is everywhere but dang, JYJ just hasn't gotten a break since they got away from SME. It's almost like people are afraid of SME.

Why would IAG who signed a contract with JYJ do that to them? Money? External pressure? You would think no since they can get sue for breach of contract. What's your take on this?

You should really find someone who cares. And get off my lawn.

Sure, TK Will Look Through the Phone Book Now...

re:  Looking

I'm looking for someone in Korea her name is Yi kun Hui

You mean the chairman of Samsung?

re:  where

where is kim hye sung now?

In a way, aren't we all kim hye sung?

re:  Do you know Herbert

Hi,

Do you know Herbert, or are you related to him in any way?

This is very important as i have a useful piece of information to pass onto you.

Ooh yes, I know a Herbert. What is it?

re:  Roommate translate

Hello :)

This is probably the dumbest question you have ever read so i'm sorry if this is not what this blog is for.

I have tried my best to translate it myself but i just couldn't figure it out. So here is my question for you: in episode 9 of roommate at about 27min in the episode chanyeol comes upstairs and the woman laughs at him, i guessed it had something to do with with was written on the screen. Would you please translate it for me?

Thank you :)

from belgium

Ps: i wanted to send the video aswell but i can't seem to find how.

The competition is steep for the "dumbest question TK has ever read," but this finishes pretty high. Do you seriously think TK has memorized, minute-by-minute, Episode 9 of Roommate?

re:  Korean rock song...

Heya, I'm here from your 'ask a korean' website. I used to work with a bunch of korean guys and they would sing this song at karaoke that was so, so good. It was a korean hard rock song about a woman who smoked. It was really rhythmic and emotive. Do you have any idea what I am talking about? It's been so long since I've heard it and I would love to hear it again but I can't seem to find it online.

Thanks for any input you might have.

Rhythmic and emotive. Yeah, that's plenty of detail.

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Have your eyeballs melted yet? If they have not, the next email will do the trick. Behold...

::DRUMROLL::The Worst AAK! Email of the 2014!!!::DRUMROLL::

re:  Yoo byung eun

Do you think that the victims of the sunken boat in South Korea in April 2014 was sacrificed intentionally by the Yoo Byung Eun cult leaders to their god--Lucifer?

Researcher

I mean, holy shit. This email hit TK's inbox nearly as soon as the news about the connection between the Sewol ferry sinking broke--which was only about a week after the ferry sinking. Seriously, fuck you "Researcher" for making a mockery of one of the worst tragedies that Korea suffered in the last decade. You win the worst email of 2014.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

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