Let's Get Gnudi!

I'm no photographer, but those three cheese balls in the picture above look pretty damn good. And as good as they look in the picture, they tasted even better! They tasted, dare I say, Incredible! But, this delicious meal came at a very steep price. My heart had sunken to a new low and a sickening feeling washed over me as one fact was painfully clear: I was inspired to make this from one chef I truly despise. Who is this son of a bitch that I possibly have to thank??? The one, the only, Scott fucking Conant. :(

If you don't know who this cock-sucker is, good for you. If you watch the show "Chopped", you know him all too well. He's the judge who has a huge stick up his ass about pasta being cooked correctly. Because of that, and his many other bullshit critiques, I can't stand him and can only watch that show for a little at a time.

Then....it happened. I caught another show called "Best Thing I Ever Made", and he was making something on there. My first thoughts were "Fuck You! I'm changing the channel now!". But then I saw a quick preview of what he was going to make, and I was intrigued.

He said it was called Gnudi, which means "Nude" in Italian. It was basically a ravioli filling that you would prepare like gnocchi. Now I had to watch this.

By the time he was done, I new I had to make it for myself. I was also really ticked off it came from him! Was I really going to make something from this fucking guy??? I guess so.

I was tempted to just write this up and say I saw it elsewhere. But I gotta be honest with myself. So, I put it like this: If it comes out good, I'll stop calling him a fucking asshole. If it comes out shitty, I might have to break his legs for wasting my homemade ricotta. Sounds fair, right?

In the show, he served the gnudi over a mushroom puree'. I didn't have the recipe, so I decided to make a mushroom soup based off the recipe from the Les Halles Cookbook. I used less chicken stock to keep it on the thicker side.

I didn't really measure this part, so please bear with me a bit. I chopped up a small red onion and sauteed that in butter. I then sliced up 1 large container of button mushrooms and added that to the pot after about 5 or 6 minutes. I added some salt and pepper and cooked down the mushrooms for almost 10 minutes, give or take a few minutes. I then added enough chicken broth to fully cover the mix and simmered for about 45 minutes.

My blender is broken, so I used my immersion blender to puree the mix.

I added a drop of sherry at the end and stirred that in.

Now for gnudi! Here's the recipe I went by:

1 lb ricotta, sheep's milk 

2 eggs, yolks 

¼ cup spinach, blanched and chopped fine 

½ cup Parmesan 

4 tbsp flour 

3 tbsp fresh breadcrumbs 

To taste nutmeg, grated 

To taste salt 

To taste pepper 

I ended up cutting this recipe in half because I didn't have that much ricotta left.

He said to drain the ricotta overnight in a strainer to get the excess liquid out. I make my own ricotta, so I didn't have to worry about that step. When you make it, you get all that excess liquid out at the very beginning. If you buy it, you are gonna have to do this.

To make this is just like making gnocchi. Shape them, blanch and shock, then saute to finish. But, you have to test one first to see if it won't fall apart in the boiling water.

Even when this asshole was making the mix, he said you might have to up the amounts of bread crumbs and flour a little until it gets to a firm enough consistency. SHIT!!!! This part got me worried. To be safe, I added a spoonful or two more each. Here's a pic of my balls. :)

I let them rest for a little in the fridge after I rolled 'em up. Now it was time for the big test. I had to drop one in boiling water and cook it until it floated. Then, I would take it out of the hot water and drop it in a bowl of ice water to stop the cooking. Truth be told, I was really fucking nervous. It's been a while since I've felt like that when it comes to cooking. Normally, I dive head first into a new recipe. Something about this one had me shook. To be perfectly honest, it was a bit humbling. It made me remember that I'm not quite the bad ass yet. I'm almost there, though.

So, after putting on a diaper, I dropped a ball in the boiling water. Low and behold, it held up! WooHoo!!! With the first one out of the way, I did the rest and was now on the home stretch.

That fucker Conant finished his in butter and sage. I didn't have sage, so I used thyme instead. I dropped the balls onto the pan and cooked them just a little. As they cook, they will develop a nice little crust if you don't move them around too much. I got the plate ready by dropping a few spoonfuls of the soup on the plate. I placed the finished gnudi on top and garnished with freshly chopped parsley. 

Here's another finished pic.

Aw hell, one more for the road!

Now it was time to eat.

I was almost speechless at how good this was. If beauty was a flavor, that's what this tasted like. Everything worked so well together. The mushroom base was in perfect harmony with the cheese and spinach. The cheese was soft and warm, but not a gooey mess on the plate. Even the parsley added a brightness to the finish. This was something that I will certainly remember for a long time.

One of the best things about it was that it didn't taste like MY cooking. We all have our own unique cooking style. After a while, you know what dinner is gonna taste like before you even buy the ingredients. I know I went in that kitchen and made it, but it tasted like I had gone out and ordered this. If you want to impress a date, or better yet, impress yourself, try this one out. Every part of your body will say 'Thank you' for doing so.

With all that, there's still one more thing for me to say: Scott Conant, you hit a home run with this one. Thank you. And, because I liked this one so much, I'm gonna stop calling you a dirty sheep-fucking piece of shit. At worst, I'll just call you a bastard, but only if I see you acting like one on "Chopped". That's fair, right?

J. Miller

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