Bitter Feast

Welcome back to a very special edition of Food And Such Things. For the first time on this blog, I am doing a movie review! Hooray!! Yay. Whoot....uh...yeah. OK, it's not the biggest deal in the world. But,  for all you food bloggers out there, this one will be a bit more intriguing than your average movie.

First off, reviewing movies is not my specialty. So, to get this out of the way, let me say that the movie was ok. Not bad, not great, but worth a watch. That's my overall review. The real key to this film isn't whether or not the movie is good, but what the movie is really about: Chefs and Food Critics. And in this case, Food Bloggers.

The set up of the movie is pretty simple: A pompous chef kidnaps and tortures a food blogger for a bad review and possibly ruining his career. That's about as straight forward as you can get.

When I first read the info about this movie, I was like "HEY! I'm a chef AND a food blogger! They made this movie just for me!" I had to watch it!

As I was watching the movie, something started to happen. A war of epic proportions was being fought in my incredibly brilliant brain! The chef side of my brain was enjoying watching the blogger getting beaten. The blogger side of my brain was getting pissed off and thought the chef in the movie was a real dick. If you could hear what was going on in my head, it would go something like this...

Chef Brain: YES! YES! FUCK YES! Kick that punk mutha fuckas ass! No good, no food knowledge having, hiding behind his computer COCK SUCKER!

Blogger Brain: You gotta be fucking kidding me! This guy loses it over 1 bad review?!?! FUCK YOU! Grow a pair and learn to take some criticism you thin skinned pussy!

Chef Brain:Why should he have to accept criticism from some bitch-ass hack who knows nothing about food and couldn't write his way out of a wet paper bag??

Blogger Brain: You don't need a PHD to know something tastes like shit! This guy put himself in a position to be critiqued. Did he think he would only hear good things?

Chef Brain: The blogger in the movie was a real douche! He got off on giving bad reviews. He had it coming.

Blogger Brain: Well, that chef was an arrogant prick. He needed to be taken down a peg or two. Sounds like someone I know...

Chef Brain: You got something you want to say to me, asshole??

Blogger Brain: No..Nothing to say. coughSHOEMAKERcough!

Chef Brain: SHOE MAKER?!?! Fuck you! "OoOOOoOhh! I'm one of a GAZILLION food bloggers! I'm special!" HACK!

Blogger Brain: Fuck you!

Chef Brain: Fuck you!

Blogger Brain: NO, FUCK YOU!

Chef Brain: NO, FUCK YOU!

And it went on like this for about a half hour before I silenced the voices with alcohol. Yeah, I got some issues I'm working through. Don't worry, in the end, alcohol always seems to do the trick!

Oh yeah, in the food biz, calling a chef a "shoe maker" is an insult. It means they are lazy, cut corners at every chance, and generally put out shitty food.

That's it for this one. I caught this movie on The Movie Channel. If you see it, give it a look.

I'm out.

J. Miller

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