This Week’s The Next Food Network Star – Offensive Or Amusing?

Without knowing anything about this week’s challenge, I decided to do something I have never done before. I decided to watch the entire episode without writing about it at the same time. Usually, I never know the outcome AS I’m writing. It was lucky that I chose to do that last night, because I would have thrown my hands up in despair long before the end.

I am going to warn you in advance that this week’s post will probably sound more schoolmarmy than snarky.

Iron Chef Symon was on hand this week. He introduced the first challenge, which was a cooking segment on a morning Miami television show. What he didn’t tell the final four was that the greaseball host would be screwing with them in some way and fouling up their dem. The “test” was to see how they would do under that kind of pressure.

Debbie was okay. She didn’t care that she had to use a microplaner to beat her egg or that they swapped out her catfish for chicken. But none of that was personal. It was in the category of “stuff happens”.

Plus, the other reason that Debbie, the faker, did fine, was because nothing about her is true, including her reactions to the situation being put in front of her. She lies when she has to, says what she needs to, to get and stay ahead…so this was all good to her.

With Melissa, the jerky host kept getting her name wrong on purpose and then he sabotaged her tapenade by adding tons of hot sauce and anything he wanted, while Bob and Susie giggled furiously. Melissa got nervous and talked kinda fast and crazy. Yeah, that was really funny, watching Melissa’s hopes and dreams get messed up by a putz.

They told Jeffrey his microphone had malfunctioned and that he had to talk into a big overhead one. Then he had to actually HOLD the microphone at the same time as he cooked, often with a big knife in his hand. Wow, how clever a cooking challenge! Yeah, that’ll show what he’s made of. NO and NOT!

Jamika’s persecution started off with the crew person giving her the wrong signals for time. They told her she had too little time and then too much time. She actually was ok, but they said she looked at bit too serious even before they started screwing with her. Whatever.

This entire episode continued with them tricking the contestants. It wasn’t about testing their skills or seeing how they are on camera. It was the equivalent of sticking a foot out as they walked by and then laughing when they tripped. Not funny and not a test of much of anything except the nastiness of human nature…the part that loves to laugh at people when they’re down. I hate Punk'd. I hate practical jokes.

In the larger challenge of the week, they had to cook seafood on a grill. AFTER they got all their stuff and had actually started cooking, the Powers That Be thought it would be amusing to take away ingredients that were integral to the dishes and substitute others.

Did I mind when they made fun of Jeffrey’s “cooking without borders”, because it really is all bull and he uses the same things over and over again? No, I didn’t mind, because they were appealing to my basest instincts, that being mean is fun and that it’s entertaining to watch people squirm.

Except that it isn’t. It’s mean and mean-spirited. And baby-faced Bob should be ashamed of himself that he participated. Chef Symon looked as if he had not only participated fully, but actually THOUGHT UP the whole thing in the first place. He was completely delighted with it.

Bobby wasn’t quite as gleeful as he suggested taking away Debbie’s Asian stuff. That’s fine to make them cook different things and not rely on their same old, same olds, but NOT AFTER the challenge had already begun. That’s just nasty.

Jamika did not initially handle the situation well, when they took away her island ingredients and gave her celeriac. When Bob peppered her with questions as she was trying to decide what the heck to do, she couldn’t hide her irritation. Where did this irritation come from? NOT from her being an unpleasant and difficult person! It came from trying to perform a task well and having a wrench thrown in it AND having Bob yack at her for no good reason.

Jamika sounded fed up and I don’t blame her. I was too.

They definitely seemed to aim the most jabs at poor Jamika. In the first challenge, there was a big difference between not having the right utensil and having a camera jab you in the face. They weren’t nice to Jeffrey or Melissa either, but that didn’t bother me so much. I was obviously succumbing to the brutality of the school yard in not caring if someone I didn’t like got hurt. Who would have thought that The Food Network would be teaching the lesson of survival of the toughest?

Jeffrey won the challenge and got his dish, whatever it ended up being, on the menu at Red Lobster. There was so much other stuff going on that the food got lost.

The judges claimed they had a hard decision, but they sent Jamika home. The only thing I could think of was that she was probably grateful to go home after all of that.

My major regret – that Jamika hadn’t been eliminated the week before, so she wouldn’t have had to go through this. But I like Michael too much to wish that he had either.

This entire episode made no sense. One week they’re blasting Debbie for her lack of ethics and the next week they’re HAZING their contestants. I’d turn on the Sotomayor hearings, if I wanted to see that.

The main point is that this nonsense didn’t prove even a tiny bit what the four of them can or can’t do in the kitchen OR in front of the camera. It reminded me of Oprah’s ghastly practical joke shows. She thought it was incredibly funny to give someone a makeover and make it intentionally awful and then watch the target squirm when she sees it. There’s no other word but mean for that. I really, really hate it. I don’t like bullying on the playground; I don’t like it in my neighborhood; I don’t like it in Congress; I don’t like it anywhere in the world. And I certainly don’t like or even remotely EXPECT it on the Food Network.

Note:

Just DARE to disagree with me on this! Actually, PLEASE do! Am I SO off base here? Did ANYONE find this episode fun or entertaining?

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